I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
