I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
