White coat. Heels.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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