so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
