you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
