if i can run in heels then i can drive
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Will exercising make me less horny?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
