I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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