Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize