I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
