Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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