You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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