There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
