mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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