Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
