You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
