I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
