Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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