I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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