Duck Duck Cougar?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
