I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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