Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
