Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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