she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
