saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
