Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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