I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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