sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize