You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
It's never too late to be topless.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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