Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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