I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
