I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
