I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
