Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Two words: blizzard sex
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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