They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
