Tell her she can't have a vagina
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
i've created a new STD.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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