my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I need a burrito and a hug.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
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