i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
