Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
