There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
