glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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