Even water is tasting like jack daniels
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
