Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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