see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Panties = found
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
