It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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