Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
