I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
