I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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