i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize