Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
