You smell like stripper and shame
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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