David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
