is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
