I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
