Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
