Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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