There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
