she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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