Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Me too!
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
