You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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