The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
