Duck Duck Cougar?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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