We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
