Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Welp...herpes.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
