The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
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