yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
