He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
