Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
