would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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