Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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