They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
